I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
