well you can't waste a boner
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
