WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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