she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
