Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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