Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love accidental penises.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Randomize
