the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think i have two assholes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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