Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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