It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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