If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
These tits shall not be calmed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
