Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
