Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
