I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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