Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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