Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
