im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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