Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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