Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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