Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
