Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
