She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
