I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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