i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i drank out of a bidet.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
