I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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