Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Quick, to the slutcave!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
