There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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