I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
