nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
