My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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