is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
