Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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