alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
