that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
