he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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