Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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