Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
