I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
