Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
