i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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