I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
