So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
