I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
