and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
