He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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