Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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