i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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