If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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