My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
