I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
