Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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