What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
