His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
