mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
