So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
