Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
