no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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