Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
